Once upon a time, a really cute mare lived in a town She was part of the amazing country family that lived around She lives on the only barn in the town And one day, she moved from the town The new town was pretty good Applejack looked around She looked for a drink But they didn't have a saloon on that town She’s going to her new barn She enters the barn And the barn burns With fire, she burns the barn She’s moving back to the old town She enters in her old barn With her face frowm But she’s still wanting a drink And she went to look around the town... SO APPLEJACK NOTICE THAT THERE WASN’T A SALOON IN PONYVILLE THEN SHE GOES CRAZY AND SHE ASKED RAMBO DÁSHI “RAMBO DÁSHI, WHERE IS A BAR?!” SHE SAID “THERE IS A BAR IN CANTERLOT” THEN SHE WENT TO CANTERLOT SHE FOUND THE BAR IN CANTERLOT SHE SAID “GIMME A CERVA” “We just have Vodka, lady” APPLEJACK STARTED TO BECAME HULK "DONFSLSJFOLSFSSHF" APPLEJACK SAID SO APPLEJACK LOOKED AROUND AND FOUND BONBON THEN APPLEJACK ATE BONBON AND APPLEJACK EXIT THE BAR GET A GURREN LAGANN AND DESTROYED THAT FUCKING BAR THAT DOSEN’T GIVES A FUCKING FUCK TO ANY FUCKING CLIENT THEN APPLEJACK THINK AND SHE WENT TO RARITYS HOUSE THEN… AHN… WELL… SHE KILLED RARITY AND WENT TO TALK TO PINKIE ON SUGARCUBE CORNER PINKIE TIED HER SHE WANTED TO MAKE A CUPICÁQUE SO APPLEJACK, TIED, SAID “MY PLOT NO!” SO APPLEJACK USED THE CYDER POWER AND MADE A SHOOP DA WOOP AND APPLEJACK IS NOW FREE SHE STARTED BATIMA INTERROGATION SCENE “WHERE SHE IS?” PUNCH PINKIE FACES “WHERE IS THE CYDER?” SO PINKIE SAID “Second Floor!” THEN APPLEJACK WENT TO THE SECOND FLOOR AND THERE WAS A BOMB! THE BOMB BOOMD APPLEJACK AND SHE FELL INTO DOCTOR WHOOVES TARDIS BECAUSE I LIKE DOCTOR WHOOVES SO, SHE SAID “*cof* DOCTOR WHOOVES, I WANT CACHAÇA- I MEAN, CYDER!” AND HE SAID “I have a time machine, not a freezer.” SO APPLEJACK JUMP FROM THE TARDIS AND FELL INTO LYRAS MONTH THEN LYRA VOMITED APPLEJACK APPLEJACK FELL INTO A LAKE, VOMITED THEN APPLEJACK WAS CLEANED BECAUSE THE LAKE CLEANED HER AND SHE SAID “GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUUUUBIIIIIII” THEN LYRA SAID “I know where you can get cyder” AND APPLEJACK SAID “WHERE?!” “In my house!” APPLEJACK WENT TO LYRAS HOUSE AND LOOKED TO THE WALLS THERE WAS HUMANS PEROCAS EVERYWHERE SO APPLEJACK RUN OUT AND SAID: “É hora de honrar minha família e enfrentar consequências de uma vida inteira!” THEN APPLEJACK JUMP OVER HER MOBILE-PIANO AND SURF TO TWILIGHTS LIBRARY THE LIBRARY WAS EMPTY, AND SHE SPAT ON THE DOOR AND SHOUT “ME DE SUA FORÇA PEGASUS!” THEN TWILIGHT OPENED THE DOOR AND SAID “I’m a fucking alicorn now, bitch!” THEN TWILIGHT LOOKED APPLEJACK APPLEJACK LOOKED TWILIGHT SO APPLEJACK SAID “I THINK YOUR WINGS ARE SEXY, AND I WANT IT!” THEN APPLEJACK GET OFF TWILIGHT WINGS AND STARTED TO FLY SHE FLYED TO THE PAIS DA EURÓPA, CALLED CEÁRA. AND SHE FOUND THE BOSS, FAUSTÃO PENTELHO SHE FIGHT WITH THE BOSS AND SHE EXPLODED THE BOSS AND SHE RECEIVED 3 WISHES “ONE BAR”, SHE WISHED “ONE CYDER”, SHE WISHED “A BLUE HAT, CAUSE BROWN IS OUT OF FASHION”, SHE WISHED SO SHE WENT TO THE BAR TO DRINK THE CYDER THEN SHE REMIND THAT SHE WISHED ONLY ONE CYDER SO SHE SAID “PUTA MERDA!” THEN APPLEJACK FLYED TO THE SKY TALK TO MUSSUM “I WANT MORE CYDER!” SHE SAID “Só tem mé.” SAID MUSSUM APPLEJACK WANTED TO CALM DOWN AND WENT TO THE PADARIA EAT CHURRO PIZZA SHE ASKED FOR A CHURRO PIZZA AND THEY JUST HAD BRITISH AND THEN SHE KILLED EVERYDOBY, BECAUSE EVERYPONY É O CARALHO! AND SHE GET THE GREEN LANTERNA RING THEN APPLEJACK EXPLODES THE PIZZARIA WITH A HADOUKEN CELESTIA TRIED TO STOP HER BUT CELESTIA IS A BITCH THEN SHE CALLED THE BITCH OF BITCH MOLESTIA TRIED TO PUT HER HORN ON APPLEJACKS PLOT BUT THEN SHE APOINTED WITH THE FRONT HOOF AND SAID “This, is, my, ring!” AND SHE PUNCHED MOLESTIA FACES THEN MOLESTIA PICK UP HER BANANA BAG AND SEND APPLEJACK TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON AND APPLEJACK WENT TO THE MOON AND APPLEJACK USED THE MOON AGAINST EQUESTRIA AND EQUESTRIA EXPLODES, AND EVERYPONY DIES. Some years passed, and Applejack construed her own barn And some days later, she discovered that on the moon has a bar So Applejack went to the bar and asked for a cerva But the man said “We don’t have cerva, we just have vodka.”